last nite ive done something ive always wanted to do and got the chance. they were right there, on the tip of my fingers on my outstretched arms. was weak in the knees but had enough strength and power to push my way through the scare that creeped up on me when they were there. alone i felt, trying to anticipate the future in the seat i was sitting in. in the dark it was just them, i saw no one else. at times i glanced and wondered their thought of me being there. would they meet me with love and accept me with open arms or shield me away and ignore my presence? the moment came and heard my name. it was my time to reveal myself with a smile. relieved myself from the heavy weight on my shoulders. im one more step closer.

ive been told i cant do and say many things thats beyond my skill and knowledge. not even one chance to try. how am i ever gonna grow without ever trying? i need to make mistakes. to prevent me from having experience puts me in a deeper hole. all my life ive been in search of answers to questions that accumulates in my mind. fear follows me when new things are near. to do, to feel, to say something the first time is like being born; my first breath. to be stopped, talked about, and yelled at, is my last tear, my last breath. i tremble.

at nites ive awakened from nightmares ive lived previously.
at nites ive awakened from dreams that have yet to be lived.

ahhh!!!!!! omg. i just got my hair cut today. i didnt want to do it but i had to 'cause im working at seaworld now and they want the team members to look neat. hmm.. i miss my hair. i look all weird now.  here are some before and after pictures..

before.. long hair
 

   

my friendship with her is more than what i asked for. we grew so close in a short amount of time. we havent known each other for long but when ever we are together its seems like we've been hanging out our entire lives.